madoff to jail...dont drop the soap

hello all i am sure yall have heard about Bernie Madoff's sentencing: 150 yrs in prison. Let me first start off by saying DAMNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! Dat is a helluva long time esp. since he is already 71 yrs of age. I am curious to know how long of the sentence he actually must serve. If it is 25 before parole y give him so much time. I think the judges should consider the age of the convict in addition to the crime. i mean really sun will probly be dead in 10 yrs so whas the pt?


Bernie Madoff was a financial manager that swindled millions of dollars from investors for his own gain; an estimated 65 billion dollars. Dude got a 7 million dollar APT(wtf!!??) where his wife currently lives. She claims she was unaware of the scandal but i don't wanna hear dat. When ur hubby says "hey babe let us buy this 2.2 million dollar boat..." u kinda gotta be like " uhh where u gettin all this cheese from?". Yeah he on Wall St. but they don't make bank like dat(do they??). The court has ordered to strip him of damn near all of his assets plus he still has to pay for victim claims against him. Ohh by the way his own sons turned him in if i recall. Dang fam where the love at?

Amidst this "recession" we are currently in it is a shame that we have hooligans and charlatans hustling our hard earned money away for personal gain. That is why i believe there should be no homeless ppl in Amerikkka it is too much money here. Well you reap what u sow so u better not drop the soap Madoff.

first impression means a lot but dont judge a book by itz cover either...(the realm of appearances)

whaddup my fellow citizens dis ya boi back for another intriguing round for discussion. Let's rap back appearances. Appearances made of a lot of things from jewelry to hairstyles, tattoos to the clothes on ur back(and other body parts lol). There are tons of trendsetters and followers of styles for that matter. So who sets the norm for proper appearance. Of course this is predicated on the situation i mean u don't wanna go to an interview with a Jordan jumpsuit on right?

I have always been against judging someone based on their appearance. I know it is probly a innate defense mechanism in humans. If you see a person cloaked out with something bulging in his pants walkin in the bank he might not be makin a deposit(get ur mind out the gutter lol-i was there too for a sec.). But really i kinda feel like a lot of people are misjudged by how they look. Styles are styles and to me as long as it is appropriate and fits the scenario then whas the deal.

I am tatted up aight and hell yeah i want more but most of my tatts are in areas where they are hardly seen. No doubt if u look hard enuff they are still visible but it is harder since i am dark-skinned. Me and the fam were having a debate about tattoos and their relevance in our world. My dad seems to think that there are limits to how many and wear they should be placed. I aint tryin to be on the face tatted but shyt im thinkn of gettin one on my back and my chest. My dad says they are a fad and they will fade i respectfully disagree. Unlike clothing or hairstyles i just think tatts are more artistic in a sense(maybe cuz they are pictorial i guess). Art neva fades it just transforms.

Mida i say do u ...but also do understand that there are social norms in place that somewhat stymies expression. There may be subtle if not blatant consequences to ur actions so be prepared. Don't assume and judge do some prying into the person beforehand. I know this may not be feasible for everyone but hey give ppl a chance in life. I am all about individual expression and conveying how u feel openly as long as u do it with class. Maybe i am just stubborn and i hate to conform to norms but who sets the rules anyway?

the real "king"

As many have already heard...the king of pop is deceased. Michael Jackson has died from cardiac arrest at his home in Cali. Let us dissect Mr Jackson for a moment. He is arguably the most iconic figure ever known a son of a steelwrker Michael from day one been in the spotlight. I remember the Jackson 5 cartoons that used to come on sat. mornings. Awesome! Of course you know Janet Jackson, his sister that is highly talented but really all his siblings in many variations have been talented. Michael's biggest success was from the album Thriller. Crazy video at that time and an even more wonderful album. I reminsnce from back in the dayz with "I'm Bad" and "Man in the Mirror"(ohh yeahh!!!!!). He was simply amazing.

Over the years Michael Jackson stopped making songs and went AWOL in a sense. He married a white gurl(nuthin wrong wit dat but it was the other "king"'s daughter) then wit the baby dangling over the balcony incident and all the molestation allegations it was pandemonium. Michael was an eccentric character to say the least. He was just different and aint nuthin wrong with that. I was more concerned with his health. Dude looked emaciated like Skeletor(He-Man reference)!!!!! I don't know what was goin on and maybe he didn't care but i was shocked when he bleached his skin(he didn't have a skin disorder i don't believe dat) and he was gettin frail by the moment. Personally i think he needed a sistah in his life to change him but das my opinion.

All in all Michael Jackson was the best and will always be remembered for the good and the bad..."whose bad.." U are Micheal u were.

"I DO"....(wanna spend my life savings for one day)

"Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage". What "ole blue eyes"(Frank Sinatra for those who don't know) should've added said was that weddings make ur pockets leaner than a bulimic on crack!! Many people fall in love and get married and wanna have a beautiful wedding. Some dream of white doves and white princess dresses and tiaras etc. all their lives. I am sure that would be wonderful. There is a little issue though be ready to pull out ur checkbooks and/or go into debt.

The wedding industry is big bizness these dayz. From David's Bridal to Bridezilla (yeah i watch it so what..) there are tons of ideas,websites(offbeat bride is really cool!) to choose if you wanna go that route. No I am not married but it would be nice to be with someone forever and to cherish and raise a family. Unfortunately I am not Bill Gates and I have yet to win the lottery so financially speaking weddings scare me a lil.

I was a groomsman for my mans last yr in his wedding. It was lovely kid. There was a freakin quartet which was awesome. The reception was lovely(they had an open bar all nite..."sippin on some sizzzurrppp" lol). I don't know how much they paid but I estimate around 25k. They got paper but right now they are staying in an apt(?). Don't get me wrong love is love but in my opinion i wanna house 1st then we can see whassup with a wedding. I am sure it is in the near future and i am not knockin their choices. U do want u do but ME nah das a lot of $ for a day and their is no tangible returns. If you have the money and you're not gonna go into debt that maybe itz cool but still even then pay bills, buy a house, plan a lavish trip. I know most ppl don't have that kinda dough and their parents pay for it. I heard about one couple in TN that spend buukuu money on their wedding(their parents did) now they are divorced and their parents went broke due to the expenditures of the lavish ceremony. I aint sayin u should go think about a possibility of it not working out but das real sad.

It is up to the individual(s) to decide what their priorities are and figure out the best course of action. I just want ppl to understand you don't need to spend "X" amount of dollars to be happy. Go off to the beach just u and him or plan a real small wedding. Simplicity is sometimes the best.

good black man at your service

I was IMing(cant believe this is a verb) a friend of mine on Facebook today and her status line read:I need a little testosterone in my life. I replied that this by saying "take ur pick there are plenty of good men out here?". I included myself in this statement not as an invitation for her(she is strictly my homie) but I am a good man. I am a currently single handsome black man with an education. I know about the statistics of young black men and the state of their affairs. It is a damn shame but don't clump me in that category. Where all the good women at?! When a good man treats you well then u don;t reciprocate so how u gonna find a good man when u aint no good urself ...think about it.

We as black men are,have been and always will be public enemy numero uno in this white man's world period. Unfortunately due to systematic destruction of our own doing and by the influence of the powers that be( shay whitey or ofays as i like to call 'em) have combined to obliterate the black man in every shape, form and fashion. From incarceration to uneducation to drug dealing to pimping we have withered to a select few that "have made it". And really have we REALLY MADE IT? nah brothas and sistahs we trying to survive in a soceity that doesnt want us and deems us inadequate.

I come from a middle class family my parents divorced when i was real young and i was...well kinda raised myself. I didn't have a lot of parenting in the household but dont wanna get too personal. It was me and my twin brother and we managed with some guidance from my mother and father. I say this because I wasn't indigent and i was a reasonably good student in skool. But i still had major issues growing up so i didn't need to be from the ghetto to struggle. To make a long story short i went to college and graduated with a two B.S. degrees now working and making a decent living. Most would say that I made it or that i am a good man. But what makes a good man?

A good man is a good human being regardless of color. Yet also in a since when referring to black men there seems to be some requirements. Education is key and it doesn't matter what ethnicity you are but also i think most women would say a "nicca wit a job" is a must. Yeah income coming in is crucial especially in this "recession" but damn can a dude working at Wendy's get some love?? I believe a good black man is someone who makes u happy and is righteous. Yeah everyone falters and some may have a little thug in them but overall is he pious, good-natured aka a good black man. That is for you to decide. Remember though shyt aint always biscuits and gravy and just b/c u are goin thru some thangs dont mean he aint no good. Have you checked urself lately? Aight then nuf said!!

So ladies before you go off and say"where all the good black men at?" You may be talking to one and you haven't took the time to explore.

(note: this is not me in the pic above...i am better looking lol)

warring about peace corp

I am constantly pondering over this topic for a while now. I am considering joining the Peace Corps. My aspirations are to get into Physician Asst. skool at Duke. But in conjunction with the GRE i need clinical hours(hands-on patient experience). The Peace Corp would definitely help me out in that regard. I also feel like traveling abroad will enlighten and mature me.

The Peace Corp is a volunteer service first established by John F. Kennedy on March 1, 1961. It is intended to send American volunteers to various places on earth to work with skools and government in areas of health, agriculture, business,etc.

My dilemma is that it requires a 2yr service abroad. Not to mention the fact that I probably wont be able to get back to the states until at least a yr so that means it would be very tedious to communicate(well i know i could write but may not be physically present). Now if you been following my blog(if not then y not) u know i have a lil gurl around 8 yrs old. I am also in love with someone("chica") although we are not a couple at the moment. I don't want to leave neither of them and plus I would be leaving family and friends. On the one hand it would be an experience of a lifetime to travel to say the motherland(Afrika for non-blacks). I am a huge proponent of volunteerism yet it is different when u travel abroad. I feel volunteering in Amerikkka is less impactful than say helping children in Kenya to get basic health care and education. I know there are unfortunate people here in Amerikkka but in other countries there are people suffering due to politics or wars,etc. Yet on the other hand there are people here that I am extremely close to and i don't want to leave. Definitely not my daughter cuz she needs her father. My ex-girlfriend is a different situation we are in a hiatus right now it is complex(as all relationships) but i am in love with her but i don't know if we will get back together. Does that mean I should not wait and see or pursue my dreams and if it is meant to be it is meant to be? I am confused...but right now i am volunteer at Duke Hospice so that goes towards my clinical hours as well as satisfying my need for altruism.

I dont know what is goin to happen I tend to go with the flow(but not a follower by no means). We shall see.....

slave to the name

This is an interesting topic that i myself find hard to figure out. What is being black? What is being white for that matter? Well since i am afrikan-in-amerikkkan (lol) i cant speak on the latter. Race is a social construct fabricated in Amerikkka for the sake of classification. I am no anthropologist but i dont recall any history class any other time or place besides Amerikkka where race was coined.

With regards to people of color we come from various ethnicities that it is hard to categorize into one thing(although many try). When we say "black people" what do we refer to? Is it the skin color or ethnicity? In Amerikkka the term "black" , "white" often refers to skin color in conjunction with culture. It is a falsity however because we have different backgrounds and the culture itself is tedious to define. I believe race is constructed to validate slavery and has yet to be properly addressed in this society.

I dislike using the term "black" when describing "my people" but what else do I use? Even "afrikan-amerikan" seems skewed when labeling a certain group of people. We come from all over the globe but i guess "afrikan-amerikkkan" closely relates to our people when defining us. Help me out here people it is a deep subject that needs to be explored and questioned thoroughly. Maybe it aint that serious to u BUT IT SHOULD BE....yo check out this article about race:http://www.westernstatescenter.org/resource/ScreenDRHistory.pdf

good grief

This past wkend I completed a long overdue training session to become a Duke Hospice volunteer. I am proud to say that I will be a part of a wonderful system built on exemplary standards. In one session we were discussing grief. As you know in a Hospice patients are not treated with curative measure; you go there to live the rest of ur days comfortably. Grief is an essential resultant of any loss. Loss happens all the time and u shall grieve but it is not a bad thing if u do it positively(don't smoke weed cuz ur dog died...).

Grieving is good for many reasons. It is part of the healing process and needed to get past whatever ur grieving over. I say embrace the grief in its entirety. Yes it hurts but to move forward u need to heal ur pain and angst. If you lose a love don't run and become a recluse grieve(cry, remember,etc) and move forward. Grieving doesn't mean that you are weak or that you cant get over say loved one(or two). Humans are emotional beings so emoting feelings of grief when situations arises that trigger that is natural progression of cause and effect. So grieve my friends it is good for you.

Boondocks...a breath of fresh air for black people

Boondocks is a cartoon created by Aaron McGruder. It is a social satire of American culture and black people in general. I am sure most of my readers have at least heard about the show. If not check it out on adult swim @ Cartoon Network.

I absolutely love the shows. It is funny as hell and it has a message. I hope Mr. McGruder continues to put more shows out in the future. I know that some people dont like to show for whatever reason. I've heard some don't like it cuz it uses the word "nigga" a lot. But damn people I bet most of u use it daily so don't gimme that mess. I feel the show conveys what I feel about black pop culture and Amerikkkan culture. I want to congratulate all who have a part in making the show what it is today-a masterpiece of social importance.

It is hard to talk about social issues today especially black people issue cuz everything is so tactful. Yes you should be but damn if the shoe fit..buy it lol. nah but seriously Boondocks tell it like it is; shyt the truth hurts. It is not like it is totally inaccurate with some of the things they talk about(see below):

What is success? (part one)

Whaddup family. Let's talk about success baby(singing salt and pepper melody) let us talk about all the good thing that may be let talk about success. What is success to you ladies and gentlemen? Is it materialism; how much paper u got or the whips u push? Or is it the job u finally obtained after years in skool? I guess it depends but success is synonymous with achievement of some goal that an individual has. I was reading a fellow bloggers(acting white-see bloggers I follow) umm well blog and it prompted me to write bout specifically our black youth(if ur non-black and reading this youth regardless of color are our future).

The blogger was talking about how many youths that he/she encountered where basically stuck. They felt like they had no future after high school. There are a few that go to college but overall many do. In this century in my opinion college is not an option it is a requirement. I have a lil gurl and i drill her on the advantages of education. Being a college graduate myself i understand the need for a college education and shyt now that aint even good enuff.

There are numerous reasons we can throw around about y black youth are not getting it. Success occurs at various points in my opinion. If ur goal is to graduate high school Bam! success!!! but y stop there create another goal and go get it. I think many of our youth think if their not making millions by age 25 then their a failure.

Parenting is at the top of the list for me as far as motivating our kids. Yeah im biased cuz i am a father but really "it takes a village...."you know the rest. We all need to be paragons for the youth to see that they is a future for black people. Especially if your young it would have more affect because of the age gap difference(less) they may feel like they can relate. I know everyone isnt built for college(i.e. don't wanna go,etc) but teach ur kids(and not just ur biological ones either) the value of education. Nah they don't have to go to college but damn get some post high school degree if just to enrich ur knowledge; feed the brain god.


Lastly i think we put up with too much crap from media and our own people. Pick ur battles though cuz u aint gonna win them all. For instance hell nah i don't let my daughter lissen to Beyonce not when she talking about upgrade u-what message is that for her? Things like dat u gotta be conscience of. Mi hija (daughter) was cheering in dowtown (?) NC and the music they were playing was not appropriate for lil gurls. Me and my Chica told them to change it. Some might say it is just music of the time maybe so but does that make it okay??? Hell 2 the nahhhh....!!!!


Look people wake yo azz up fuk smelling the coffee bust ur kids upside the head with a math book or instead of letting the watch their favorite show like Fairly Oddparents (shyt is hilarious by the way) take them to the museum and if u cant afford that do something for free that enriches their mind.

jus a freestyle....

itz a freestyle but f u pay me/ lately been stressed ready to explode like TNT/ work doesnt define me/ love blinds but my 3rd eye spy/deity when i rhyme call me the sun god praise to the most high though/ tryin to get this dough make bread to rise to the top like yeast/defeat challengers and upstarts/play ur part or get cut/lights camera action/now they talkn bout taxin/ beer neva fear/ lucid drunkard/still function/ur brain i puncture with the hits i inflict/use to be a misfit/now equipped with tools to strive farther/tryin to be a father to mi hija/ur rhymes bore me imma go to sleppa/peep the way i display the thought patterns i manufacture.

Trust in love fool

Back on the topic of relationships again. Aight we all know there are things in a relationship that are essential for it to flourish and sustain. Communication is key but furthermost I think trust is the most important ingredient for a mixture of pleasure and fulfillment. It is hard to be in a relationship when someone you love is either lying to you(that u know of) or has done some things in the past that creates this mistrust.

You have to be fully committed to a relationship if not then you are liable to cheat. Cheating not only involves sleeping with some one but also emotional cheating;giving ones time and feelings to another. My thing is dont lie just be truthful;honesty is the best policy. If ur significant other breaks up with you then the NEXT NIGHT go sees another person is that real trustworthiness? Most probly would say no but different strokes for different folks.

Question how far would you go to find out if someone has been faithful or truthful?? Would you stalk them or have some one investigate(see Cheaters). Love makes you do crazy things. For those that are or were in a relationship but were/are cheating(see above) or otherwise doin dirt please come clean it is for the best. When you are truthful to others u are honest with urself. I know it is hard to tell the truth and it is easier to lie but really how does that make u feel when u hurt the other person; where is ur conscience?

Relationships are a 9-5 plus overtime; ur gonna put in work. So unless it is just unbearable(i.e. he/she is cheating or abusive) you betta hold on cuz good people are hard to find. Think before u venture off and wanna play the field cuz everybody doesn't play fair.

organically orgasmic

hello all the discussion is about organic ..well everything. I have been reading about organic food, clothing,etc. since I've been in college(graduated 2003). To me in this tainted world I guess clinging to things I feel that are unadulterated makes it all warm inside. But you really have to do ur research on the organic things you buy. There are a ton of organic items for sale but be a smart consumer. I go to Whole Foods a lot but dat shyt can get expensive. So unless u got money out the azz (please wash ur hands before giving to cashier) then i suggest u be frugal and buy what u can a little at a time.

Remember to do ur homework not just on organic things but the crap they are putting in the "regular" stuff. Dude do you know the put wax in fruit to make it look shiny(wtf??!!). Those chemicals that you put in ur hair(perms,etc) perpetuates manufacturing of things that are harmful to u and ur world. Organic is good for the environment and at the rate we are goin we need to more vigilant to halt the bad. So hop on the organic bandwagon(pulled by horses of course)!!! Do ur part people for a cleaner u and a cleaner environment.

When the shyt hits the fan...umm duck?

Greetings I am coming to you (a)live...lol. Wanted to rap to yall real quick about some craziness das been goin down lately. I am a proud alumnus of North Carolina State University(gooo pack!!) but we have come under some fire lately. I am sure you have heard(if not imma tell ya) the resignation of NCSUs chancellor James Oblinger and the firing of former lady(gov) Mary Easley.

Here is how it all went down(like I was there right..lol) : Mary Easley was working at the Provost Office at NCState around 2005. NCSU board chairman McQueen Campbell and James Oblinger(now former chancellor) hired Mary Easley on a 3 yr contract in 2005 reported to be $80,000/yr then got a 5 yr deal for about $850,000. She also had an annual increase of 88% annual pay raise for her job as executive-in-residence at NCSU which violates NCSU policy(dammit gurl). But that is not even the crazy part it was found out that top-level execs got her the job at NCSU including Mike Easley himself!! This is obvious breach of policy yet to mention integrity of the university. UNC System President Erskine Bowles has since told Oblinger to resign and fired Mary Easley.

The Easleys have been no stranger to frivolous spending. There are already under investigation regarding use of taxpayer money to go on trips. I don't know what the hell she did at State to warrant such a payout. I believe it was the name; her husband was the governor! That still doesn't condone the seedy hiring process and the large payout. Look, North Carolina is one of the poorer states in the country so why the hell you gonna pay her all that money for??? I am shamed by the actions of others at my school and I hope we can turn things around. But you know shyt like this happens all the time partly because there is no real regulations and also because money talks and bullshyt floats by. We the people need to be MORE self-evident....

Society at itz purest

Whaddup peoples!!!! I have recently been dabbling in art of reform. Well really I have been reading about different types of governments and societal structures that I feel would most benefit human race. The results would be reduced crime rate, no social economic status (sorry ballers) to name a few. It would not be tainted by mass media and all the negativity that surrounds a large part of the earth. I believe capitalism causes a lot of turmoil and money is the agent of this mayhem.

I sometimes refer to "The Village" by M. Night Shamalyan when discussing this topic No it is not a blockbuster hit but it provides a wonderful viewpoint of the society I am talking about. In the movie various adults from many professions are tired of societies trivals so they travel to a remote location and build a society. The village is surrounding by massive woods and to deter curious villagers from leaving(mostly children) the adults conjure about a story about monsters that live in the woods and will murder anyone who leaves. Now of course this is a small town and I dont know how it would work on a large scale. Everyone had a duty and there was no hoarding of goods partly because there was no money involved(see egalitarian in Wikipedia).The movie is clever in pointing out that(on a small scale) such society could exist.

There are many pros and cons about any governmental ideology but with regards to pure unadulterated kinship I am a proponent of communism of some form such as egalitarianism. Please feel free to leave ur comments cuz I wanna know what ya feelin..hotep(peace).

Bitches and Hoes(hate it or love it)

Good day to all! I know I know...you like "da god is on some other shyt with the title" but let me finish. I have been contemplating things in my personal life interacting with different people male and female. The question is why do some men call women Bitches and Hoes. Both terms are pejorative and extremely disrespectful. When itz used it has a litany of meanings some even go as far to say that sometimes when they say it it is not to disrespect.

In my experience a bitch is a bitch and a hoe is a hoe period. I don't use the term often but I have used it but not arbitrarily as others do. I am not exonerating myself I am intelligent I could have used another term but in the heat of the moment I used it. I am a blunt entity I call a spade a spade. The term hoe is the same way; I call it like I see it. I don't go around calling women hoes that is not my stylo ;I am a gentle(man). I don't agree with double standards either men and women can be hoes.

Both terms are vulgar and should be omitted in a conversation yet humans are emotional and when we are caught in verbal sparring we use whatever tools at our disposal. Is it right or wrong? I cant speak on that I am a proponent of relativity; you feel what is necessary at that time. Remember you can be forward and downright blunt but try to be mature and respectful . Peace to all my ladies and gents.

Can't we all just get along?

The title of this blog is a quote from the now infamous Rodney King who, in '91 was beaten severely by LAPD. It resonants a tone of compassion every time I hear it thus the reason why I chose to use it. I want to discuss the recent visit by President Obama to Cairo University in Egypt. The title of the speech was called "The New Beginning". I purport that it is a step towards the future; harmony amongst all people. He addresses various topics that include the Israel-Palestinian conflict, Women's rights, etc. but 90% of the oration was about (to) Muslims around the globe. I am not an overly religious person but my foundation of my faith is rooted in Christianity. I grew up going to church as most southern Black families did. I do not contend that I know everything about certain religions (and really not wanting to) but I can venture and Islam is being portrayed wrongly. I think partly by ignorance and partly through generalization from terrorist that proclaim Islam as their religion. I know that we all interpret meanings of text differently and truly I believe in all religion there have been bloodshed in the name of (insert here). The gist of the speech I think was for everyone to reevaluate their viewpoint of Muslims and Islam and conversely for Muslims to do the same for others.

I agree with President Obama that are differences make us the same and we should honor ones faith,opinion, etc. I don't believe these extremist that kills innocents in the name of ALLAH are truly fulfilling His word. I just think the end result of all conflict should be peace. Why would you want to be on edge all the time when, if you sit down and collectively resolve an issue tranquility can exist? There is a common ground in all conflict; no you may not get all your concession but it is better than nothing. I feel that whether or not you liked everything about his speech don't be Dr. Killjoy; see the overall message: peace and prosperity for all.

One statement he made was true to form to paraphrase -the past will keep you from moving forward. The time is now whatever differences you have had in the past it is just that leave it in the past and think for the future. I believe we should envision a future where people don't view others in a condescending manner and know that no one people are better than another.

love hater

hello all i am sitting here in front of the computer lissenin to some youtube recently broke up with my gurl of 3 yrs. yeah it sux but hey you know the world still turns. But nuff bout my situation i wanna talk about love real quick. The word is used a lot of times without meaning or substance. Maybe some people get it confused or maybe its just their perception of what love is. After 3 yrs I feel it is something that is relative to your situation. Love is a complex thing; it can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. I cannot give you a definitive answer to what love is; shyt i thought i had love and shyt bites me n da azz. Riddle me this: is love like energy it cannot be created nor destroyed? We have all loved(or thought we loved) someone and it ends up not working out. Does that mean you will neva find happiness? Hell to the nahhh it comes from within but exude ur emotions to someone special and hopefully they will reciprucate.

They say time heals all wounds and I was told that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe but when you yearn for someone it is hard to hold back emotions and you dont wanna let go but I understand know that if it is meant to be it shall be. If you love someone enuff if need be let them go...and see what happens.